dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
