Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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