Can i not drive my cunt home
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
