I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
