Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
