ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
