Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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