I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
