What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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