I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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