is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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