the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
