fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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