Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
