it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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