If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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