Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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