Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
