My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
