does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
