T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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