You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
