Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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