I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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