my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my being single is dangerous.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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