I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
