Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
operation harelip BJ is a go
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
