Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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