woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
