and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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