i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
