I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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