My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
