the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
