i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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