Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
