i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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