and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
