is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
