You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
