Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
