hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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