I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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