Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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