its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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