Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
