So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
