cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
