If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
