Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
