Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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