i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
