He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
