Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
