brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
