The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
