I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
