I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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